What Something Should Be is Not
by theraggedypond
Summary: She's always so pure, so loving. She's accepted everyone, even me. Tohru Honda. I am in love with her. Me, a man whose already lost love once. I can't bear to lose it again. Will Hatori manage to capture the greatest thing that's ever happened to him?


New story. I kept listening to 'Just a Dream' like nearly all day today. I hadn't the slightest idea why.

For those of you who don't know me….

Hello. I'm Bailey, or Danielle. My name differentiates depending on my mood. I have written three stories for this site.

'My Thoughts You Can't Decode' Takashi and Haruhi. (Ouran High School Host Club)

'The Only Exception' Takashi and Haruhi. (OHSHC)

'Ouran Shuffle' Tamaki and Kyouya. (OHSHC)

So…. As you can see, I'm branching out a little bit here and I'm really into unusual pairings.

Those of you who know me, welcome!

* * *

**May and December **

**Just a Dream…**

"_Honda-san." _

_She turned around, blue eyes curious and aloof as usual. But it was a cute look for her. It always had been. Her face split into a beaming smile. "Hatori-san! What are you doing over here? You must want Shigure. I'll go get him." She busily set down the tray of tea she'd been holding. "He's with Ayame in his office."_

"_Wait..." I held out a hand to stop her. Those two idiots would just interfere with my plans. I wanted this to just be between me and Honda-san. She swiveled back towards me, confused. "Eh? What is it, Hatori-san? Are you not feeling well?" To my surprise, she leaned in. One of her delicate hands flitted to my forehead. I jerked back reflexively, as if burned. Her eyes seemed to sadden a little at my recoil. Or was it just my imagination? _

"_I'll go get Shigure and Ayame." She gave me a wan smile. It was always so impossible to tell how she truly felt. Whether she was sad, angry, whether she was hurt….. It was all covered up with that carefree smile of hers. And somehow, ever since I'd met her that had bothered me. A girl with so much to live for, a girl with a free life…. She shouldn't have to lock everything away inside her. _

_I suppose I didn't want her to end up like me._

_Bitter, alone with feelings I always had to hide. _

_Being cursed, having no free will to say what was on my mind… _

_Forever imprisoned in a snow that never melts. _

_A cold-hearted bastard, as Akito would blandly put it. _

_A girl so young, so full of live and love and an overall goodness no one could ever cast away….. Should not ever end up alone and outcast like me. Like us. Like all of the Juunishi born into the Zodiac. With each one of us she befriended, all that darkness, that bitter despair…..All of it seemed to end up with her, carried on __**her**__ shoulders. And she had accepted it without judgment, without the slightest hesitation. _

_Tohru Honda was the gift God had decided to give to the world. _

_Not Akito. _

_The true God, the one that watched over everything, and everyone. _

_I suppose that's what excused my next actions. _

_"Tohru!" I stepped across the small kitchen, needing her to stop. I saw her briefly freeze, as if her ears had deceived her for a moment. I grabbed her forearm, and it was that action that made her turn around again. She was always so indecisive. It made me laugh, even though she usually didn't see it. Her cerulean eyes widened with the shock of my skin on hers. I hadn't the slightest idea why she did this. I was always touching her, tending to wounds she always seemed to get in this crazy household. _

_It felt strange to me as well, though. This time I grabbed her wasn't because she got hurt. It was the way normal people reacted when they touched each other. I wasn't used to normality. I was used to bitter shunning, being cast off as if I was nothing. If that was my case, then why wasn't I feeling this now? Why did her skin feel so warm, when nothing hadn't felt warm to me since… _

_And it was in thinking of Kana that I realized something._

_I was in love with Tohru Honda. _

_I should've recoiled right then, let go and lied blatantly about something. I should've just left Shigure's quiet house and not come back for a while. But I didn't. I couldn't. Like Kana, I didn't want to let Tohru go. _

_And in realizing my feelings for her, I didn't stop. _

_I wasn't going to let anything happen to her. _

_Or anyone else ever again. _

_I pulled her against me, arms wrapping around her in an embrace. Closing my eyes with a desperation like that of a drowning man. My arms tightened around her body, holding her close. This was what an embrace felt like. An embrace between a man and a woman. No boundaries, no curses. _

_No people transforming into strange animals. _

_Just an embrace. _

_Affection, security, and…..love. _

_"Hatori-san!" she exclaimed, body stiff and rigid. She seemed confused, and I didn't doubt it. I was confused as well._

_What was the matter with me? _

_Why hadn't I transformed yet? _

_Why hadn't I let go of her?_

_"Hatori-san!" she said again, this time more loudly, "You haven't transformed!" Her voice seemed in awe, in shock. I opened my eyes. I was still holding her, awkwardly in the kitchen of Shigure's house. This wasn't a dream. It was real. _

_My curse was broken. _

_Suddenly, a deep sense of loss crashed down upon me. It felt as if I'd lost a piece of my soul, a part of me I could never regain. I didn't feel the others, not Shigure, nor Ayame. Even God was lost to me. For the first time in my life, I couldn't feel the spirit of the dragon within me. He was gone. _

_I was alone. _

_Actually, truly, forever alone. _

_And I didn't know what to make of it. _

_Instead of being happy, of being free of Akito…._

_I cried. _

_I buried my face in Tohru's brown hair, feeling her seize up again. When she realized what had happened, I felt her slender arms embrace me back. It felt wonderful. To be saved. It felt like security, warmth, every single happy feeling you could personify all wrapped into that one gentle embrace. _

_"Hatori-san… I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now." Her voice was calm and sweet. How could one person be full of so much love? It seemed impossible. But then again….. Tohru had always seemed to exceed my expectations, no matter how high. I pulled her closer in answer, at a loss for words. A few tears melted on my face. _

_"But it's alright though, right? You can finally be your own person now. You can do fun things, all sorts of fun things, and never have to worry about transforming or being naked or wondering where you're going to keep spare clothes!" She began to ramble. It was very endearing. _

_I raised my head from hers._

_And began to laugh. _

_Fully laugh, in a way I hadn't laughed since childhood. _

_"Hatori-san? What's so funny?" Her voice played with confusion and a slight underbelly of indignation. I did not answer, only laugh and continue to hold her in my arms. Dimly, in the back of my mind, I wondered how the others could not have heard the commotion yet. We were being loud enough to rival Shigure and Ayame together. _

_As my laughter died down, I felt her giggle against my chest. It felt warm to me. Everything about her felt warm. It was love, I suppose. I should tell her I love her. Right now, and damn the consequences. Forget about the fact that I am ten years her senior. _

_Forget about everything. _

_Everything but Tohru. _

_"Hatori-san is so funny. I like him when he's like this." Tohru said, tilting her brown head childishly. Her blue eyes seemed to smile at me. To my surprise, I felt a smile come onto my face as well, mirroring her own. "Thank you, Tohru. Thank you." At this she grew confused again, and now she looked like the Tohru everyone else knew and loved. _

"_For what, Hatori-san?" _

_I buried my face into her hair again, smelling blueberries. _

_How odd. _

_She struck me as a strawberry kind of person. _

_My reply was a bit muffled. _

"_For saving me." _

_She jerked her head out from under mine, much to my surprise. "No, no! I didn't save you, Hatori!" She shook her head back and forth furiously, waving her hands as she stepped back. "I've never saved anyone from anything! How could I possibly save you? Of all people, I could never save Hatori! He is much too strong for that! If anything, Hatori saved himself, because he's strong and brave and an amazing person, and-"_

_Her hands flitted to her mouth, pink nails sparkling. _

"_I'm sorry. That was impolite of me."_

_I felt my green eyes widen. _

_Strong? _

_Brave?_

_Amazing?_

_Those were not the kind of words one normally said when they talked of me. _

_Obedient. _

_Weak-minded. _

_Boring. _

_Those were my labels, my descriptions. _

_Tohru mistook my silence for offense and her blue eyes glistened wetly. "I am so sorry Hatori-san, I will never address you so rudely again!" she squeaked in embarrassment. Her face grew red. Even like that, I still managed to find her appealing. I wondered how she looked frustrated. _

"_Tohru, it's alright." I moved to hold her again, and she recoiled. A bit of my heart froze again. "No, no! You must call me Honda-san, Hatori-san! It is impolite otherwise and people might think you a pervert or a rude man, and I couldn't possible bear to hear anyone talk about Hatori-san!" My, she really loved her ranting, didn't she? Did she ever utter one-syllable sentences? I doubted it. _

"_Tohru, please listen for a moment." She shook her head erratically again, arms flailing wildly. "Hatori-san, you must call me Honda-san! Really, I insist! I usually don't say things so rudely, especially to people such as you, but I must say so! You must call me Honda-san! If you don't, the consequences could very well be dire and who knows what might happen! I mean, what if you call me Tohru one more time and the world decides to explode? Then what will happen to Yuki and Kyo and-"_

_I cut her off. _

_Sensing an opportunity during her rant, I had moved closer to her. _

_And, before she could draw another breath to continue….._

_I kissed her. _

_I felt her gasp into my mouth in surprise. Placing a hand on the small of her back, I pulled her back to me again, reassuming our previous positions. She resisted for a heartbeat, and in that moment I nearly pulled away. I would not kiss her if that was not what she desired. _

_But then…._

_She kissed me back. _

_This sixteen year old girl who seemed to know almost nothing of this kind of love._

_She kissed me back, and within that kiss laid the passion of a woman._

_She drew her hands to my face, pulling me impossibly closer. I laid a hand to her cheek, feeling its warmth and light. At this point, I didn't care if anyone walked in. Whether it be Shigure, Ayame. Kyo or Yuki. Even if Akito had decided to pay a visit to his least favorite house, I would not stop kissing this girl. It was impossible to stop. I could not stop. _

_The most frightening part was that she didn't seem to be able to either. _

_She grew more bold, more passionate. It took all of my willpower not to give in and be as reckless as she. I had to force myself to slow down. She was sixteen. This was illegal. Just kissing a minor was illegal, much less anything else. _

_My hands gently but forcibly drew her face away. Her eyes were half closed, slivers of deep blue peeking out from under them. "Hatori….san." For a moment, Tohru was perfectly still. Then, her eyes fluttered open, as if coming out of a trance. I could almost hear her brain click as she took in our positions. Her hands still lightly rested on my cheeks, as did mine on hers. Yet our bodies were very close, nearly pressed right up against the other._

_Her skin grew very warm, very quickly underneath my hands. _

_She seemed incoherent. _

_And then…_

"_I am so sorry! I never should've done that! I didn't mean to do it, I'm so terribly sorry, Hatori-san! It was my fault, all of it! I promise this will never happen again!"_

_I sighed._

_She would be like this for the rest of her life, wouldn't she? _

"_Tohru. It's alright." I interjected calmly again. _

_She stopped, words dying on her tongue. _

"_You're not mad?" _

_I leaned in again. _

_And kissed her, feeling her soft, smooth lips against my own. _

"_What the hell is going on down here?" _

_We broke apart….._

_The last thing I saw was the angry face of the Cat before it grew dark. _

_

* * *

_

"Uuunh…."

My brain swam in dense fog.

"Tohru?"

There was no answer.

Which was to be expected.

I had just had a very real, very vivid dream. I sat up cautiously in bed, sheet falling from my bare torso. My bleary green eyes looked at the clock. It was six fifteen. I wanted nothing more than to return to my dream world. Back to Tohru. Just not Kyo though. That part had been rather, odd.

It was then I felt a familiar stirring in my chest.

The rabbit spirit was nearby.

As was the tiger.

And the sheep.

I felt my own vengeful spirit rise up in recognition.

Somewhere, Akito was sleeping, body fatigued and sick.

Again.

The Zodiac was still together. I was not free and I doubted if I ever would be. All of us would live our predetermined lives. To die, and pass on this curse to another branch of the Sohma family, perhaps our own children. I suppose that's why the Juunishi never married. They didn't want to hurt their own families. They wanted to pass it on to a different generation, preferably a branch far from theirs.

Cowards, that's what we all were.

I felt hot tears well up in my right eye.

For my left one was not longer useful anymore.

Yet another product of the Sohma curse and of love.

All of us were cursed.

All thirteen.

I supposed that's why thirteen was such an unlucky number.

Because of us.

A bitter mockery of tears washed down my face.

Because I would never have Tohru.

I would never have such a pure, good person all to myself without them getting damaged, physically or mentally.

I felt a cold rage, and a sense of loss.

It was only just a dream...

* * *

I'm probably going to get carpal tunnel now. I can't feel my left hand and my pinky finger has developed its' own heartbeart.

I hope you're all happy. I started this at nine and ended at eleven forty.

Reviews are love! And Hatori needs the love!

~ Bailey (Danielle)


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